Team by Team Analysis: Kruser’s Bruisers

 After toiling in the cellar last season, Kruser’s Bruisers will improve upon his disappointing second to last place finish by using an effective but little known tactic: not playing at all.  This is not to be confused with the ‘take my ball and bag and get the hell out’ tactic (since he has neither ball nor bag) but is akin to ‘screw you I’m out bitches’ used primarily in middle school girl’s soccer. 

 The fact that Kruser’s Bruisers chose not to participate was not surprising, but that he did so due to work obligations boggles the mind.  Had he begged off because he saw no reason to donate his money or admitted that he was a piss poor (albeit enthusiastic) manager he could have walked away with his head held high.  I think I speak for all the team managers when I say I wish he would have just lied and said he was cheating on us and got syphilis from another fantasy football league. 

 We have lost not just a fantasy football soldier and friend but at least one easy win a year.  While the two former can be easily replaced, the latter will prove difficult.  But he and his Brett Favre love will always be with us.  We will honor his legacy by placing a new term into the AFP Fantasy Football Lexicon.  From this day forward, any owner making a one sided trade while under the influence of women, drink or drugs will be said to have ‘pulled a Kruser.”  I can think of no better way to immortalize his series of bungling, head scratching trades and indifferent shrug of defiance. 

 Fare well, Kruser’s Bruisers.  We hardly knew you. 

 Next up: Stranger Danger

 Sam Holland

Senior AFP Fantasy Football Communications Director